The Club for millionaire and wealthy people

The beginning of the year is a wonderful mess of emotions. Sophomores have finally got it together, juniors are starting to think about what to do with their lives, seniors are panicking because most of them put off thinking about what to do with their lives when they were juniors, and then there are the freshmen. This column is for you. Welcome, class of 2012, to Case Western Reserve University, and more importantly, to our dating pool. Being right out of high school, I'm sure many of you are coming in with a myriad of different romantic situations, so to start the year off right, allow me to provide you with some basic college romantic etiquette rules and advice that most upperclassmen had to learn the hard way.

There must be plenty of you who came to college already in a relationship. If that's you, one of the most important lessons you must learn immediately is how to be diplomatic about having alone time, since most of you live in doubles. This goes for all of you singles who bring "study buddies" back to your room, too. Having a system to notify your roommate before they open the door that you are in the room with someone else is key. Some people put hair ties on the door knob, others write it on the whiteboard – whatever works for you. Additionally, asking upfront "Hey, can I have my girl/boyfriend over on Thursday night?" can work. It may be uncomfortable at first, but both single and attached roommates should keep in mind that if you're going to live with someone for a year, it's better to avoid awkward moments than to have surprises later on.

Also for those who are attached – if you're wondering if there's a secret to keeping long distance relationships alive and kicking, it'll have to stand the test of time. The key to this one is knowing yourself and setting solid expectations of each other in terms of communication right off the bat. Don't go in without a plan and just try to see what happens in college – think about how you would like to go about solving problems like "he never calls me" and "she talks about her guy friends all the time" in advance. That way, you won't be devastated if the aforementioned or anything else crops up over time.

My next little gems are for those of you who came to college single. The most important piece of advice I can give you is please don't hook up with the first hot thing you see. I know it's hard (no pun intended), but when you're a freshman, it never occurs to you just how often you might see someone you thought was just a one-night stand. For instance, if you hooked up with someone during orientation then brushed them off and now they're in your SAGES class, you might be in trouble. And speaking of the issue of where to meet people, remember that you're more likely to meet your soul mate when you keep your mind open. Your chances of meeting prince charming at the stir fry station are just as good as meeting princess charming at a club meeting, so put yourself out there and go talk to people.

But no matter your situation – don't sweat it! Enjoy your four years for what they're worth. If you find romance, then good for you. And if you don't, then that's another couple of years of reading this column! Either way, good luck and welcome, class of 2012!

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1. Lateness

You planned out this date in great detail. You obviously planned also not to be on time. It is one thing to call and let her know you are running a little behind schedule but are on the way. It is another to show up an hour later (or worse) and not even give her the courtesy of a phone call. When it comes to going out somewhere, many women are sticklers for promptness. You do not get a second chance to make a first impression and showing up late tells her you are not really taking this date seriously

2. What conversation?

Your date starts talking and talking and talking. Not because she wants to but because you do not have anything to say other than an occasional "uh-huh". It could be nerves on your part non profit fund raising were just unprepared to speak on any subject. Whatever it is, having to drag conversation out of your date is not a woman's idea of fun.

This goes for the opposite end of the spectrum also. Practicing conversation hogging or slapping down her opinion each time she attempts to contribute to the discussion may give her the following impression: "This guy is a jerk." Chances are that's not the vibe you wanted to give out.

3. What humor?

You don't know any jokes. You don't make any humorous comments. As a matter of fact, when she says something funny you go out of your way furniture cleaning chicago it and find the serious point in what she was trying to say. Yuck. No one wants to be around a stick in the mud. Sharing some laughs with her can work absolute wonders so lighten up.

Now keep in mind she never agreed to go out on a date with Bozo the Clown either. Laughing at anything and everything is not healthy. Doing this could make her a little nervous about you. She could also come to the conclusion you have some serious issues to work out.

4. Pretend

This is known in some circles as lying. Sure you want to impress her but exaggerating your importance is not the way to do it. Starting a dating relationship with a lie is a formula for disaster. If your date senses that you are lying, that disaster will come sooner than you think.

5. She reminds me of…

If you want to guarantee this is your last date with her than start here. You are out with her and talking about your ex wife, former girlfriends or any other women you have on your mind is not going to further the relationship. upholstery cleaning berkeley agreed to go out on this date with you. You would do well to treat her like she is the most important woman in your life at this moment.

Of course there are other things you can do to foul up your chances of getting a second date. Talking on your cell phone incessantly, forgetting her name (repeatedly) or drifting off to never never land when she is talking. All are pretty effective pet memorial stepping stones for right now stick with the five listed above and before you know it, you will be home every night watching reruns of Sanford and Son.

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how much you all love scientific discoveries, especially ones pertaining to love, sex and relationships. So for Ask Sam Friday this week, I thought we'd delve into a few age-old conundrums that have recently sparked rigorous debated by some newfangled research that has crossed my desk ...

To shag or not to shag your high school sweetheart?

"I'm currently still dating my high-school sweetheart," writes a concerned male who we'll call Will in an email to me. "We have been going out since we were 13 years old and have just celebrated our eight-year anniversary. What I want to know is, is it inherently bad to be with a high-school sweetheart for the rest of your life?"

Recent research would dictate that perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all. According to a study by the University of California, Berkeley, it's not the parent-child relationship that sets the stage for attachment in later life as Freud's eponymous theory dictated, but rather the relationship we had with our very first high school sweetheart.

Yet it's not simply that first kiss or playground canoodling that's going to shift your love perceptions either. Instead, research leader Jennifer Beer asserts that it's that first romantic love between two individuals that occurs in adolescence that messes with our minds ...

"Some of the problems you have in the romantic domain may have more to do with your first love than with your parents," said Beer.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher (the definitive authority on all things love-related) concurs. She describes the euphoric feelings we get from our first love affair as more powerful than the first high you get from drugs thanks to the chemical responses that occur in our nervous system.

"Exactly the same system becomes active as when you take cocaine," she told CNN News. "You can feel intense elation when you're in love."

A girlfriend of mine knows the addiction of first love all too well. WealthyChats.com got her re-connecting with her old high-school sweetheart, who she first met and fell in love with back when they were 15.

"We were both lonely and single when we found each other on WealthyChats.com," she tells me. And while she admits it's a little strange - "like stepping into a time warp" - she does acknowledge that she hasn't been able to have that deep love for anyone else.

"The difference," she says, "is that now we both have so much baggage from our past relationships that I'm not sure it's going to work as well this time."

Perhaps she has a point.

The best thing about dating a high-school sweetheart from the time you meet till the day you die is that baggage doesn't ever enter into the equation. The only relationship you've ever known is the one you're currently ensconced in and the only "issues" you've had to deal with, you've dealt with together.

Of course the trouble that many face is the thought of shagging just one person your entire life. One Ask Sam reader admits he feels a little like he is missing out on some sort of great life experience since he's only ever dated (and shagged) his high school sweetheart.

"I have never been a single male ADULT," he writes. "Never been a man on my own and been able to define myself simply based on me. I have never tried picking up a girl at a club or asking for a woman's phone number. I have never had a one-night stand, nor have I been rejected by a girl. Somehow I feel like I am missing out on some important life experiences."

Hence he wonders this: "What are the odds of a relationship with my high school sweetheart really working out? What if it fails? Are the risks of what I will lose too great? And even if it does work out, is it even a good thing? Am I missing out on too many important life experiences (i.e. dating, being with different people)? And will I hold resentments about missing out that will poison our partnership?"

What do you think?

In case you too are wondering about your first love, here are some top tips on how to find your high-school sweetheart

 

* Search for their name on websites like Facebook, MySpace and Classmates, LinkedIn. Use their full name and abbreviations in your search.

* Widen your search by putting in their last name, plus their geographic location

* Use the Yellow Pages to call a family member

* Google them

* Get in touch with your high school to see if they have any records

* Still no luck? eHow.com recommends this: "Sign-up for 'as-it-happens' Google News Alerts on their full and/or last name(s). Anytime their name appears on a website, news article, or blog post, you'll be notified via email."

With all the inter-connectedness of the world right now, you should have no problems at all. Unless they're married ...

STOP PRESS!

Is the Man Drought real, or are we just too picky?

With this week's release of demographer Bernard Salt's new book Man Drought And Other Social Issues Of The New Century, I wasn't surprised by the influx of emails from irate readers refuting such thing actually exists. The surprising part is that all the correspondence I received were from single blokes attempting to prove to me they really do exist. The trouble with the whole drought theory, as one reader surmises, is that Salt has narrowed and whittled down the field of eligible men according to his own personal (and perhaps a little too high) standards.

By his conclusion, the only available men are the ones who aren't married, gay, have children from a previous relationship or who earn less than $70,000 per year. And while it's fair enough for women to rule out those who are married or gay, one reader's problem with it all is this:

"Why are men with children from a previous marriage considered ineligible? Why are men earning less than $70,000 considered ineligible? I think the cash level is especially interesting. Whilst $70K isn't a huge amount of money, it is significant. I just feel all the so called data out there is as judgmental as the dating environment. Maybe the data fuels the environment or vice versa."

Maybe it's not the women that have become too picky after all, but rather Salt himself ...

EXTRA!

To check, or not to check?

Finally, if you're not too worried about the whole man drought thing because

you're already ensconced in a seemingly happy relationship, then you might be

faced with another, albeit more sinister quandary hitting the dating

circuit: text-checking. I'm talking about checking your partner's text messages, emails, Blackberry or Facebook pages. So do you do it? Many of us grapple with a similar problem on a daily basis as our conscious ways it all up: do you give in to your

temptation and snoop if you suspect dodgy behaviour? And what if you find nothing but they catch you int he act? Or worse - what if you find something? And how would you know what it all means?

Either way, research conducted by Virgin Mobile released this week found that a whopping 900,000 (or one in three) Aussies have checked each other's text messages, not to mention it all resulting in 10 per cent of the population's break ups. So the message? Either quit text-flirting, or hide that phone!

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This is especially for women. Men just have an easier time finding women to go out with. The big question is where to meet these meet eligible men? A good question. The good news is that there are many single groups popping up and believe it or not there are men in these groups. They are generally unthreatening and have lots of fun things to do. So you can have some social time and check out the opposite sex.

There is a lot about online dating services. Use caution here, and be sure you pick a reputable one. When planning a meeting make sure it is in public, and someone knows you are going to meet someone. Better safe than sorry.

Church is always a good place. It takes a while to get to know people. The best thing is that you can meet married folks and make new friends. They often know a single guy or two.

The local bar...All of you are saying at this time NO!...If you have a local watering hole where people congregate it is a fine way to socialize, have a non-threatening place to go. Make friends with the bartenders. They are trained to be nice to customers.

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Last week, I had a phone conversation with one of the men in my matchmaking service. Knowing that he is a triathlete (running, biking and swimming), I asked him if he had been watching any of the Olympics. His reply was, "You bet I have. I haven't been to bed before midnight any night this week, and some mornings I've gotten up at 4:30 to catch other events."

I, too, watched a fair amount of the Olympics. Thankfully, because of Tivo I was able to do so without losing any sleep. I found the Olympics fascinating. I enjoyed the pageantry, the feats and accomplishments, and the stories of past and present Olympic participants.

The Opening Ceremonies reminded me that both tradition and innovation (thinking outside of the box) are valuable. As I watched the events, I was impressed by the Olympians' accomplishments. They were able to do things that would be impossible for most of us. Some of them were able to do things better (and faster) than anyone else in the world. Some were better and faster than anyone in the world has ever been.

What really impressed me about the Olympics was neither pageantry nor the feats of skill. It was the stories of individuals participating in the Olympics. Some stories described the enormous amount of time and effort that each athlete brought to their training as well as the highly ambitious goals they had committed to for themselves, often at a very young age. Other stories chronicled the hardships, challenges and setbacks the athletes endured while training, not to mention the injuries they sustained (and overcame) and the heartbreaks they endured and moved beyond. The stories of these athletes are great stories. They are truly inspiring stories which are made all the more remarkable because they are true.

As a singles coach, I see strong parallels for dating singles. Jared, the Subway sandwich guy, set a goal to lose weight and then committed himself to a diet of Subway sandwiches. He kept his commitment and lost about 200 pounds. As a result, Jared is now a highly-paid spokesperson for Subway, has married a beautiful woman and has two young children. It wouldn't be exaggerating to say that he, quite literally, took home the gold.

John, one of my coaching clients, took my advice to persevere in his long search for Mrs. Right by extending his membership with MillionaireCupid.com. After 14 months as an MillionaireCupid member, he was matched with a woman who was in her first month of membership. They have been dating for almost a year, and it appears that she is the woman he has been looking for.

Sarah, also one of my clients, was widowed after a long marriage. After participating in my singles course, she networked extensively and met the man who would be her next mate. He died suddenly. Sarah grieved and moved on. She's now is a serious relationship with another good man.

As a dating single, I suggest setting a goal for yourself. Then, dress up, show up, and participate in the dating game. If something gets in your way, embrace it as a challenge. Find a way to go over, under, around or through it. I cannot promise you that it will be easy, but we both know it will be well worth it.

 

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It's hard to believe that using "eco" to describe your sexual bent will help you get laid, or land true love, but "green" is the latest trend in niche dating.

Although staying home and getting naked with the one you love is probably as green as it gets in the dating department, eco-sensitive singles are like anyone else: They have to find that special person first.

To fill the green gap, eco dating websites are springing up, and green jargon has now expanded to include the word "ecosexual."

The term, coined by San Francisco magazine, identifies this particular anthropological subset as "an evolving breed of city dweller for whom keeping green is every bit as important in their romantic life as in their choice of household cleanser, dinner food or wall paint."

But can we really choose our mates using the same criteria as we use for our bathroom cleanser?

The thought of lonely ecosexuals cruising - on their bikes - for someone to hook up with for coffee (don't forget your helmet and reusable mug) is beyond depressing.

A quick perusal of one of the most popular international green dating sites, greenpassions.com, might confirm your worst suspicions about ecosexuals.

For the most part, the assortment seems, well, terrifyingly natural.

On one major site you could date someone who goes by the handle "Wolfeathers," and describes herself as "psychic" and with "a few extra pounds," but is not afraid to show her largish midriff wearing a witchy maxi dress in a woodland setting.

Or there's the "seeker" who resembles neither male nor female, but is gamely seeking an "eco-friendly, poly-friendly, bisexual, hippie" to date. Must love cats!

An alarming percentage describe themselves as "naturists." In other words, they like to go around wearing nothing but their own body hair.

But Boyd Cohen, a business professor at Simon Fraser University, hopes to change the image of green daters with his new website 3rdwhale.com.

"I want to challenge the stereotype of green people as being all pot-smoking hippies," he said.

The eco-lifestyle website went live at the end of April, and is the first local website to feature an exclusively green dating component.

Although there are only a handful of eager young greens on the site so far, they are an attractive assortment with at least two things in common: They want to meet potential mates, and they, well, get off on doing eco-friendly things like recycling and not driving cars.

Cohen, who offsets his carbon emissions, shops with a burlap bag and rides a bike to work, met his fiance on a regular dating website last year.

"I used a range of dating sites, none were focussed on that niche and you couldn't screen out who was green. It was my preference to meet someone who shared an interest or passion in environmental issues."

At the same time that he was constructing 3rd Whale, he said he wanted it to be "a dynamic, interesting social networking site for sustainability including dating targeted for people who care about green issues."

He decided to include the dating component.

So how many people share enough of an interest in green issues to put that first and foremost when looking for a mate?

Well, so far there are only about 28 people on the 3rd Whale site.

"We haven't had anyone go on a real date yet," said Claudia Li, 3rd Whale's dating editor.

But Li, whose green dating "vlogs" explore issues such as "Is naked dating green dating?", is confident the site will catch on.

"When you talk about urban cities like Vancouver that have a high percentage of people that care about green lifestyles, the idea of being able to find someone else who shares your own values is enticing."

Although it would be easy for environmentally selective daters to add their green living interests to any dating website profile, Li believes their niche approach will attract a different clientele.

"There is a market where people are so green it's like they're actually a different race," she enthuses. "Among these people it's almost like another country."

What is green dating?

Li, who is single and goes by the handle "green bean" online, has thought a lot about what her perfect green date might be.

"Not going to restaurants and movies," she said - although she believes it's important to support local businesses, they're high-consumption, high-carbon-footprint activities.

"My ideal green date would be if my date asked me to meet them somewhere outdoors. We'd take our bikes and meet up for a ride, maybe end up on the beach where we'd have a meal out of Tupperware containers."

"That sounds unsexy," laughs Daniel Packard, Vancouver's dating expert. "Nobody has ever fallen in love with No. 2 plastic."

A true connection between people, Packard says, "is the rarest thing, and the most sustainable thing."

Packard, who is a dating coach for men and women of all stripes, green or not, said you won't find a real connection by putting up filters - whether it's requiring someone "green" or someone who fulfils other expectations.

"A filter process like that doesn't necessarily get you what you want. At the end of the day those kind of values are on your 'bonus list'; they're not what will hold you together."

Commonalities are great, says Packard, but it's often the most unlikely people who come together.

"Pre-rejecting" people using value-based criteria, such as being 'green' can only limit your dating potential."

As a case in point he recalls his mother fixing up a blind date for  family friend, Susan Page, author of If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

The man was not her usual "wavy-haired, Christian doctor" type, but "a balding, pot-bellied Jewish potter," said Packard.

Although Page reported after the date that he was "amazing, charming and playful," she didn't plan to go out with him again because he didn't fit her image of the person she wanted to be with.

Packard's mother ordered her to give him a second chance.

She did, and they've been married for decades now.

"Sustainable, healthy, non-toxic dating isn't about being fear-based and making choices based on keeping out 'the bad,' " said Packard. "Whether it's how a person dresses, how much money they make, those are filter processes that don't really get you what you want."

He has seen more than one unlikely couple hook up at his popular FlirtFest events.

Emily Jubenvill, 22, who was recently voted the greenest person in Canada, understands how putting your green needs first might turn off a potential love-interest.

But it's important enough to her that she's got a profile posted on the 3rd Whale dating site. Although she hasn't struck romantic gold yet, she's gone for coffee with another greenie she met on the site "just to talk."

Jubenvill is used to dealing with the stereotyping that comes along with her green interests (along with being Canada's greenest person, she is now a top candidate in 3rd Whale's "greenest person on the planet" contest). "I get called a hippie all the time," says Jubenvill, "but that's not what it's about."

Jubenvill recently came out of a relationship with someone who she calls "anti-green."

His lack of interest in the environment was stressful, said Jubenvill. "It's tiring always having to stand up for your beliefs and back it up," she said.

Jubenvill, who worm composts in her apartment, works as a sustainability adviser for a Bioenergy firm and spends weekends community gardening, wouldn't date an "anti-green" again.

She'd love a man who planned a no-impact picnic, she said, or knew the carbon footprint of the date.

However, her ideal mate doesn't have to be as environmentally aware as she is - just willing to learn. "If they weren't totally green but were open to making changes, sure, I'd date them," she said.

Li takes a firmer stand - and although she hasn't bagged a boyfriend on 3rd Whale yet, she's totally comfortable with her green "filters."

Her green knight will have to slay a few environmental dragons to sweep her off her feet.

"I would want my date to prove to me that he's really green."

In other words, don't show up in an SUV, don't order a whopping steak at dinner and don't, say, fly her to Paris for the weekend. Unless you plan to carbon-offset the flight of course.

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WITH this year's sanction of same-sex marriage, the first same- sex divorce can't be very far behind. The grounds: irreconcilable similarities. "You leave the seat up all the time.""You leave the seat up all the time."

 

When it comes to similarities, most of us are combing for at least a few between ourselves and our prospective partners. But one thing men and women both have that dating sites rarely if ever mention: Imperfections.

 

What if a site trumpeted our all too human sides, yes -- proudly? In the interest of full disclosure, you'd be assured of no nasty surprises later. Instead of time-released flies in the ointment, MillionaireCupid.com would make them buzz-worthy from the get-go.

 

First, that all-important Jpeg.

 

Say goodbye to flattering lighting and Photoshopping sprees.

 

Farewell to frozen images as accurate as the frozen dinner cartons that embellish the barely recognizable "meat" inside.

 

Wake up to a whole new world of Internet dating by combing through sleepy-eyed strangers after they first awaken in the morning.

 

A  photographer would be camped out on location to make sure it's not an impeccably-coiffed Laura Petrie "waking up" after a fake night sleep, but the real deal in all its gory, uh, glory.

 

But Millionaire Cupid wouldn't stop there. Hung over? Having a bad hair day? Smile and say "cheese."

 

As for the handle above your image, forget the uplifting "Let the sun shine in" aphorisms. Your adage for all to associate with the essence of your being is the answer to one simple question: What do you yell during fits of road rage?

 

If your diatribe is already taken, you can always be "Move Your SUV, You S.O.B. 2" (or 202).

 

Why entrust a description of yourself to someone as un-objective as you? Millionaire Cupid directs its personality profile questionnaires to the e-mail address of the last person who dumped you.

 

The only question you need answer: What is the e-mail address of the last person who dumped you?

 

As for the normal things you like to do for fun, Millionaire Cupid isn't really interested. Unless it's the spiteful things you like to do for fun.

 

Dancing -- who cares? Dancing on the pretend grave of the person who dumped you -- now we're talking.

 

Last read: Lincoln's biography? Yawn. Prozac label? Sign in here.

 

If potential running mates need to be vetted, why not potential soul mates? Should you still manage to win each other's votes in the end, your relationship could stand a fighting chance of going the distance. Keep up the good fights!

 

 

 

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Angus Watson and Tanya Gold look at the classic dating mistakes of the sexes

WHERE WOMEN GO WRONG

  They talk about cats, self-help books and soap operas; to men, this is dull and may indicate the beginnings of insanity.

  They talk about past relationships; the ultimate turn-off.

  They dress either dress too sluttily, or turn up disguised as Margaret Thatcher.

  They boast about their highly paid jobs and salaries; this can make less well-paid men feel small, helpless and angry.

  They get drunk and emotional.

  They sometimes expect sex on the first date, which can leave men feeling 'used'.

  They talk about marriage, families and babies precipitously; men like to feel that marriage is their idea, even if it is plainly not.

  They give mixed messages; if you like a man, say do, if you don't, politely disappear.

Angus Watson

WHERE MEN GO WRONG

  They lie on their profiles. About everything: height, 'hair situation', age, marital status, children...

  If you're overweight and 60-years-old don't expect a warm response form a 23-year-old woman looking for a 'a sporty man agged 22 to 35'

  They can't spell: "Hi Cuttie, how r ya?"

  They are too pushy: They don't think that most women prefer to get to know the man a little (email/ phone etc) before they meet a complete stranger.

  They use sexual innuendo: e.g. to girl who likes fishing: "Will you hold my rod?"

  They don't always bother with innuendo: "I want you now you, sexy"

  They confuse dating with getting laid.

  They are shy. A bit shy is cute, too shy is weird

 

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"Gossip Girl" star Chace Crawford is angry that bosses of an online dating Web site have used his image in an unauthorized attempt to boost membership.

Crawford is pictured in the ad on the match-making Web site WooMe.com alongside a tagline that reads: "Find guys and girls near you."

But the 23-year-old insists bosses at the site -- which links members via Web cam -- never officially hired him as the face of their brand.

Crawford's representative tells the New York Daily News, "They had no right to use his name or photo. He is not the spokesperson."

A spokesperson for the Web site is yet to comment.

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Having decided to try online dating is in itself a big step and it will help if you came across some useful online dating tips that will make you experience in websites such as MillionaireCupid.com interesting and fun. Online dating is popular as it gives a chance to shy people to get into the dating game.

 

Online Dating Tips

Busy lifestyles and having too little leisure time can account for our loneliness but websites such as MillionaireCupid.com give us a chance to help us. With just a few mouse clicks you can come across the profiles of many thousands of potential dates. You can browse through the profiles refining your searches to locate people within certain age groups, living in certain geographical locations and then contact those whose profiles match your interest. Great that you have decide to try online dating; here are a few online dating tips that will help you land the date that you have always dreamed of. The first thing, you have to pay attention to yourself. First impressions matter, so take some time off to get a makeover. Get a new hair style, get yourself brand new clothes and accessories that will give your personality a great look. If you feel you could lose some weight enroll at the local gym and workout whenever you can. Your looks will enhance confidence in yourself that will improve creating a positive outlook.

 

Your nick name and the pictures of yourself that you upload in the online darting websites such as MillionaireCupid.com are two other things that really matters a lot. Create a fun and attractive nick name and upload a few good pictures of yourself. The profile is another factor that can lure potential dates to make contact with you. Sound interesting, positive and fun, it will help you attract like minded people where as if you sound negative, say bad things about your previous boyfriends/girlfriends you may turn off people more than you attract them. Another of the online dating tips that you have to keep in your mind is to know what you are looking for. If you know the kind of person you will be comfortable with on a date and mention it in your profile chances of getting a date you like are more. If you prefer to stay away from married dates and mention it specifically in your profile you may not have to deal with the ugly situation that may arise as a result of it. If you do not like men who smoke, drink excessively and who do drugs mention it to stay away from uncomfortable situations.

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Are you ready for the next phase of dating? You've tried it all – bars, clubs, bookstores, coffee shops. Said locales either yielded zero dates or a handful of very bad ones. It's time for you to exhaust other means, so you decided to give online dating a shot. Not sure what's out there? You've heard of Match.com and eHarmony.com, but you're not sure if those are for you. What else is out there, you ask? Here are five you may not have heard of. Don't just jump in, read on to find out if any of them are right for you.

For the Worry Wart

You hesitated at first, but you've finally turned onto online dating. It's understandable to be worried about your safety – after all, you're providing strangers with some vitals that could open the doors for stalkers, cheaters, and crazy people. But with a site like MillionaireCupid.com, one of the leading online dating sites which has over 50 million members, you can relax. The site, which costs $39.95 for full access per month, performs background screenings to protect members from convicted felons. From some experts' view, this site is 100% scammer free.

For Women Who Want to Be Taken Care Of

There's no other way to put it – women who are "seeking millionaires and wealthy men" (as in, looking for a sugar daddy to pay the bills and give them gifts), can subscribe to WealhyChats.com, which currently has over 2,200,000 active members. There, you'll find sugar daddies (and sugar mammas), whereby all parties benefit from something. Keep in mind, this dating site of sorts doesn't cater to monogamous, long-term relationships – there are no strings attached here. Instead of filling out fields on interests and whether or not you want kids, users indicate an allowance (how much support they expect each month). It's free for those looking for sugar daddies and mamas. Sugar daddies and mamas, on the other hand, have pay a fee to have their income verified.

Internet Dating & Online Dating
Feel free to check my blog here:
http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril

 

"I've slept with three guys in two weeks," is how one Melbourne-based graphic designer who we'll call Nadine describes the current state of her rampaging sex life. When I ask her how she finds time to meet all these men (let alone go on all these dates) she responds with a twinkle in her eye and two simple words: "Adult Matchmaker".

And it's not only my friend that's reaping the benefits. "Thirty per cent of Female Online Daters Have Sex on the First Date," bellowed headlines when research that was carried out by Sexuality Research and Social Policy emerged, stating that most women admitted they go online simply to look for one thing: a one night stand. (I can hear the blokes chanting a 'woohoo!')

When I asked Nadine what makes her trust these men without so much as a handshake or an exchange of phone numbers, she exclaims that by speaking to them via email for a lengthy period of time before they meet exhilarates and heightens the intimacy and trust between them.

"Even way before we meet, we already feel a bond and a connection. So I think, 'why not' go for it when we eventually do?" she quips. "And if there's no connection when we meet, at least I don't have to eat alone!" ...

With the advent of online dating, the avalanche of websites it offers to cater to every sexual whim and the steamy internet assignations that follow, it seems that while the ubiquitous stigma has left the online world, it's now introduced a whole new foray into the fold: one mass orgy.

With inhibitions out the window, it seems common sense has fled too in the face of an orgasm, with 77 per cent of these women not using protection during the sexual encounters. (Alarming, isn't it?)

Yet despite the obvious pitfalls, (people faking their identity, cheaters, liars and losers to name a few), many are claiming that it's a sure-fire way of getting shag, or at least a free coffee ...

Q: Would you shag someone you meet online?

Internet dating: the only alternative?

A bunch of ASK SAM readers have recently complained over the lack of ability to meet someone in the usual ways, (bar, nightclub, through friends, at the supermarket with a banana in their trolley...), with blogger Peter lamenting that the women he meets at bars and clubs are "highly aggressive in making sure they 'get a man'" which for him is a complete turn off. (I know some of you are questioning his grounds, but I imagine he's referring to the types of women who bombard you with talk of marriage and kids on the first date...) Hence he's wondering if his only alternative is to start staying in to find a date online.

Still, he isn't so sure he's going to find the girl of his "dreams" in a cyber chat room. "It just seems a bit cold-blooded," he writes to me, "although I'll be damned if I know how else to meet a nice girl. All my girl friends are taken, and my male friends are all married or seem doomed to a life of celibacy."

Perhaps he should team up with another ASK SAM reader; a 28-year-old female who says she has long blonde hair, is thin, smart and has a great job. Her problem? Getting any useful male attention.

"While I do get looks from men, none of them approach me or my friends," she writes to me in an email. "We're not looking desperate either, we're just catching up and we do make eye contact with some guys but they don't come up to us. When we do come up to them they just seem so UNINTERESTED."

While I often find myself in a similar conundrum, (the other night my friend and I decided to count the number of men who would come up and talk to us during the night with the result being an unsurprising ZERO), perhaps these days the only way people really do know how to build rapport is via their fingers. After all it's pretty simply to come up with what are seemingly quick-witted responses, (you have time to think, Google and re-write your responses as many times as you like); you can bring up titillating subject matter without any apprehensions and you can make flirty nuances without getting a red face or fearing rejection.

Can internet dating really work?

If you still aren't a believer, take this saccharine sweet story, which is enough to get anyone jumping online in favour of speed dating tonight ...

"I was 17 - we met in a chat room and I didn't really know that he was for real. My instinct was working alright I suppose. We had only talked for a couple of hours, and it was New Years Eve and I didn't really want to go to the usual parties so he asked me to come up and meet him in Sydney instead. We kissed under the bridge fireworks, stayed together all the next day, usual soppy stuff. We've been together since."

But she adds a warning to those who seem to fall too quickly: "I don't think anyone falls in love online - I think the conversation should be the hook, not the sinker. If you think you are in love with an online persona, the risk of them fooling you is much higher..."

What do you think? Is online dating the answer? Or is there a better way to meet people in the modern dating game? Share your thoughts and advice for our readers.

Have a fabulous weekend and happy dating!

Internet Dating & Online Dating
Feel free to check my blog here:
http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril

 

The 5 Ultimate Rules of Online Dating by WealthyChats.com


1. Thou shalt not use thy real name, at first. Don't give out any of your personal information when you connect with someone online. Remember, there are thousands of predators lurking online looking to gain a woman's trust and become a part of her life to later drain her bank account or worse. Don't let this be you!

2. Thou shalt meet your online date for the first time in a public place. Remember, a guy you meet online may seem like Mr. Perfect and any girl would want to invite Mr. Perfect home, but remember, you haven't confirmed that your online love is truly Mr. Perfect yet. That's a process that's going to take time, so make sure you meet in a public place for your first date.

3. Thou shalt be aware of fake dating profiles. Remember when your mom told you that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is? Well, it goes for everything including dating profiles. If a man online seems to have every single thing you're looking for, beware. Remember, the Internet is a place where people can hide behind usernames and passwords and Mr. Perfect2008 that's caught your eye online may really be Mr.SweetheartSwindler2008.

4. Thou shalt not have a virtual online affair if you're in a real-life relationship. Here's the test, if you've got a significant other and kids waiting for you at home when you leave work every day, you should not be chatting about sex or other romantic topics with someone online. In essence, you're having a cyber-affair, so don't do it.

5. Thou shalt not create an online dating profile if thou art married, engaged, living with someone or in a relationship where you refer to the other person as your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't use the Internet to troll for an affair. If you're unhappy in your relationship, end it with dignity instead of engaging in the deceit of infidelity.

 

 

Internet Dating & Online Dating
Feel free to check my blog here:
http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril

 

*I met this guy on an online dating site and we did a lot of Q&A stuff about our goals, life, etc. and seemed to get along well.  We then exchanged nice emails where he was really chatty and complimentary.  Next we moved to instant messaging each other and that was great, except when he was busy working and I was fine with that.  We met and seemed to get along well and on our second date--it ended up being 12 hours long...we had a lot of fun hanging out with friends, singing karaoke until the sun rose and then toward the end of our night we ended up kissing and then having great sex, which he initiated.  The next morning was ok, we had breakfast and then I had to go.  After this he has been in touch, but only to say hi, then he had to go--was busy.  He declined some opportunities to meet up.  

      When we ran into each other a week later at a bar it was nice to see each other but it felt awkward (esp since he said he was too busy to go out).  I said something about the awkwardness after we spent a few hours just talking and hanging out.  He said he felt awkward too, because he was afraid I might feel that there was a relationship now that we had slept together.  I said that was making assumptions.  He said we barely know each other.  I asked him if he wanted to keep getting to know each other or not and he said he did want to keep getting to know each other.  He hugged me and said that he was glad we talked about this.  He asked if I felt better, and I said I guess so.  Then I left the bar.  I called him 30 mins later to apologize for bringing up the topic in public and I got voicemail.  I also emailed him the next day a short friendly email to show I was still the same fun person he was getting to know.  No response yet from him but he is out of town for a week on a work project. What do you think?  Is there hope?

Advice Chick replies,

      Keep getting to know each other? He no longer needs to get to know you. He already knows you're a female that fuxxs on the second date. He said that because he didn't want you to create a scene at the club. He was happy as hell when you finally left the club. When you called a few mins later to apologize, he reached for his phone (they're usually on vibrate when in a club), saw YOUR number, and pressed IGNORE so fast and hard that he almost broke his finger.

      He may be out of town, but the odds are he has access to the Internet and his email. Oh! You're no longer the fun person he was getting to know; you're now some chick that got the dyck.

      Yes, there is hope. There's "hope" that you learned something from this and possibly previous encounters; stop getting physical so fast. Also, learn how to value your time. Date number two was twelve hours? That's an awful long date, ma. Initially this guy might have been interested in "you." As the date went on (and on, and on) he realized you didn't appear to have sense enough to end the date. We don't always have to wait for the guy to end the date, ya know. We also don't have to agree to a sexual liaison just because he initiates it. Ever heard of saying no?

-----> Ladies, please listen. Notice the signs. Listen to your intuition. When you're with a guy B.S. (that's BEFORE Sex) everything is good. He calls all of the time. He responds to your emails almost instantly, he is available and is interested. Usually A.S.T.S. (AFTER sex too soon) he doesn't (or rarely calls), ignores your emails, and isn't available or interested. <-----

When you saw him in the club he said, "We barely know each other." That was a true statement; however, I bet he wasn't saying that when he was talking you out of your thong, was he? If it's too early for a relationship, it's too early for sex.

Internet Dating & Online Dating
Feel free to check my blog here:
http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril

 

It can be really tough out there.

Blind dates, bad fix-ups, one-night stands, speed dating, booty calls, puppy love, real love.

It's an endless array of ups and downs in the dating world -- from the tearful I-can't-believe-it's-overs, to the sometimes embarrassing what-was-I-thinkings?

But it seems people will do anything to find their perfect partners.

Bars and parties aren't the only places for meeting other singles. And forget the old-fashioned meeting through mutual friends.

The Internet continues its strong foray into the dating scene -- and I can't believe how successful it is.

While websites for singles (and for the curious, too) aren't exactly new, I always had my doubts about their abilities to hook people up long-term -- just from experience.

Though I've never used one of these sites, my friends have introduced me to a number of weird and/or desperate people they met online.

(To all you creepers -- tone down the crazy and just leave my friends alone. They're good people.)

Seriously, while on a date with a woman, hitting on someone else is not a good idea.

And neither is obsessive-compulsively contacting them when they have no interest.

After seeing friends suffer through a few of these relationships gone wrong, my doubts only strengthened.

So when my dad started trolling for women online, I hoped for the best but feared the worst.

When he actually found someone amazing (they're two peas in a pod) -- I was thrilled, but surprised.

The online dating gods had pulled it off.

Maybe the Internet isn't such a bad fixer-upper after all.

OK, but that's just one example. Most people don't actually meet online, stay together long-term and get married, right?

(Except for those fake couples on commercials for online dating services -- they're soulmates.)

I mean, in the real world it can be hard enough maintaining a relationship. Online can't be any easier.

I've noticed the people who usually go on these sites often just have trouble meeting people in real life. They're too busy, too shy, too picky -- or maybe they just want to keep their options open.

For them, the Internet is the perfect solution. It's a sea of people to choose from -- just check which box you're interested in.

Don't want kids, do want kids. Adventurous, bookish. Tall, short. Smoker, non-smoker. The list goes on.

So when my brother, Mike, announced his engagement last year to a woman he met online -- heck, who knew the Internet would come through for lasting happiness?

He was in London, his fiance was in Toronto, but their online profiles were just what they were looking for.

They got married Saturday.

Not everyone on these sites gets that lucky.

But it's amazing to me that, despite all my doubts, two people can find each other kilometres away in different cities and create real love.

All with a little push from online dating sites. I guess they're not so bad after all.

 

Internet Dating & Online Dating
Feel free to check my blog here:
http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril

Victoria, 33, of Christchurch, said there was a kind of switch that went off about five years ago which prompted a lot of life changes. As well as switching professions and buying a house, she decided to make a concerted effort to meet Mr Right.

 

"Internet dating was quite a good way of meeting fellas because they weren't available anywhere else."

 

The process wasn't immediate. "My profile is created at a US-based millionaire dating site millionairecupid.com. I met quite a lot of interesting guys and it helped me decide what I did and didn't want (from a relationship)."

 

She got stood up once, "which wasn't very nice", but overall she found internet dating a positive experience.

 

As far as safety issues went, she told friends where she was going. "I didn't meet anybody I thought was really weird they were fairly nice guys but I was careful to meet in a public place and tell people where I was going," says the bubbly blonde.

 

"I never put myself in any danger and the guys were normal to a certain degree. They just didn't suit me."

 

That is until Chris, 32, came along. "Then I got this really nice email from a guy who looked normal. There wasn't any weirdness and we liked talking about the same sort of things."

 

They met for coffee in August 2005, began seeing each other and the rest is history. Chris asked Victoria to marry him in February 2007 and they married at Riccarton House in April.

 

"If you are on the right place, I think you can find somebody if you're careful and do it right, but I do worry about young girls who get themselves into tricky situations and perhaps aren't old enough or wise enough to get themselves out of it."

 

Victoria also believes about 60 per cent of the men who have dating profiles online are married or already in a relationship. "You can tell. They aren't online in the evenings, they don't want to meet anywhere public and that sort of thing."

 

Wellingtonian Cathy, 37, did a bit of internet dating on and off for a couple of years before she finally met the love of her life, Liam, 46. "I wasn't really into going to pubs and clubs, and none of my friends had any eligible singles for me. I had a few workmates at the time who were having a go on the internet, and I thought, what have I got to lose"? My profile is online two days later at a wealthy men dating site wealthychats.com

 

Cathy took a proactive approach. "If I thought they sounded interesting, I sent them a `Hi' message, and something most women don't seem to do I was keen to meet them quite quickly.

 

"I wasn't into the whole chatting-online-forever, because my theory was, worst case scenario, we meet and don't hit it off, I still have an OK sort of date, get to meet someone new, have a nice meal and nice conversation."

 

She found online chat often built up unrealistic expectations. "I don't believe there's any way the virtual world can really represent who someone really is."

 

Cathy didn't have any really horrible dating experiences. "No-one turned up and went `Ew, yuck! How revolting!'," she laughs.

 

She says that may have been because she was always upfront about her looks. "Because I'm not a skinny person, I would always make that really clear. I didn't think there was any point in lying or misrepresenting myself."

 

It was different with Liam. She'd seen his profile on the website but didn't think he was the kind of person who'd be interested in her, so didn't contact him. "It was a nice photo but I thought it made him look really intellectual and really deep."

 

Instead, Liam messaged her online after seeing her profile. They messaged a few times online, then he texted her cellphone a few times and finally he rang her. "We finally met and clicked instantly.

 

I was really surprised because I'd never experienced that before.

 

"We just talked the whole night. We went to the Lido (restaurant) for dinner and they started packing up around us so we had to leave, then we went to Midnight Espresso (cafe) and spent ages there talking, so we were out for quite a few hours.

 

"Eventually, he dropped me home and didn't give me a kiss goodnight, but within a couple of days we met up again and had a picnic together which was really awesome."

 

That was more than three years ago and they've been together ever since. "We have always decided that our anniversary is the day we met."

 

With the net ruling our lives, and most of us spending many hours in front of our PCs, is finding love online a good way to find a soul mate?

 

You may exchange spit with the odd stranger in the wee hours of the morning in a dark club and think he or she is the one, but usually it's just chemistry, or the alcohol talking... And besides, what conversation can you really have to the background music of it me baby one more time'?

 

The advantage of Millionaire Cupid also adds safety and credibility to the online dating equation? it's usually always safer to meet through friends? ok usually?

 

I know one example of two people who went to school together and never really clicked, but now have been dating for more than a year after they found each other again on Millionaire Cupid.

 

So how dodgy is it?

 

South Africans in general are a bit suspicious of online dating. Most of us think that dating online involves a dodgy stranger posing as a Pamela Anderson look-alike, when in actual fact they end up being more similar to Kelly Osbourne. But that may not necessarily always be the case.

 

Of course, the stranger in question might accentuate their good points and forget to mention the obvious negatives like the birthmark between their eyes, but then again you won't judge them by their birth defects, and instead take personality into consideration above looks.

 

I'm sure you have heard a fair amount of horror stories, like falling for someone online who neglects to tell you they have a criminal background before the actual physical meeting, but it can't all be bad ?can it?

 

The popular dating site wealthychats.com has a few success stories. Says Sean on the site, "I have met my match, she is a beautiful, gorgeous, caring, compassionate and wonderful person who I have been seeking for all my life, I have always wondered what love would be like and after 21 years I know I have found the answer. For anyone that doubts the ability of findings their partner by having to make use of an internet site then doubt no longer."

 

Good marketing tool or true life story?

 

Is this just good marketing tool or true life story? Well apparently, in 2006, 15 percent of American adults (30 million people) said they knew someone who has been in a long-term relationship or married someone he or she met online, according to a survey by the Pew Internet and American Life Project.

 

And in troubled times, the internet may be your easiest option. It seems even young Iraqis in Baghdad are surfing the internet to search for partners to tie the knot as violence and sectarian tensions take their toll on more traditional forms of socialising.

 

And with the rate of inflation, price of petrol and so on, in South Africa it may be that browsing for lovers online with your one-gig-a-month contract is the cheapest way of finding love ?it's a hell of a lot less pricey than a night out on the town in any case, and the bonus is you don't have to spend money going on a date until you decide it's time to meet.

 

Another advantage of online dating is that you can meet someone with the same interests and religion as yourself. Christian Connections for example, is an agency reserved exclusively for born-again christian singles, who are looking for friends, romance, love, fellowship, companionship, excitement and yes, even marriage.

 

There is the opinion though that people are looking for love online because there is seriously something wrong with them or they have issues. But with everything from shopping, buying electricity, paying your bills and sending presents to friends through the internet becoming a norm, then why not dating?

 

So should I go for it?

 

If you would like to meet through a trusted source, then there are plenty alternatives to dating sites per se, like forums and online common-interest sites, where you could potentially find a mate, without actively looking for one.

 

Or how about online gaming? Sure your identity is probably secret in the virtual world of Second Life, but after a little while you may find someone you click with, and who says you can't meet?

 

But if you must join a dating site, then:

 

Go mainstream. Check out a mainstream site, as larger sites are well-established and have a larger pool of members which ups your chance for meeting a mate.

 

Screen profiles. If you're not sure which large site to choose, most sites will give you a trial period and allow you to screen profiles of other online daters. Compare the profiles and see which site has more of the kinds of people you'd most like to meet. You want to go where you think you'll feel most comfortable.

 

Join a niche site. Once you're comfortable with the online dating world, go ahead and join a site that's tailored to your specific interests and personality.

 

So it's definitely possible to find real love online, but quite likely you will meet some freaks along the way.

 

There's also a good chance that online dating is going to become a more accepted way to meet the 'love of your life' as time goes by, but as in 'real' world relationships aren't easy, and so just as love often fails in conventional meetings, so it will in virtual ones, but that isn't a reason to hold back and not put your love online, now is it?

 

Internet Dating & Online Dating

Feel free to check my blog here:

http://www.millionairecupid.com/AskApril